Week two

There's no wifi on this static caravan site in North Norfolk, and I didn't find an internet cafe either. Still, the bulk of the week was smoke free, and I reckon the occasional relapses were forgivable.

Relapse 1: Friday night with the folks - well it was all going so well, but when my mother offered one to me, i figured a protest that i'd given up the day before would just look like attention seeking. That's my excuse.

Didn't have many though, as I sipped the red wine instead of necking it, but there was, of course, a family row. Needless to say, cigs were smoked.

I found no need for stimulants (other than a morning cup of tea) for several days, despite being holed up in a caravan with two teenage boys, till the following Wednesday, when I went to see my pal Soph.

Relapse 2: Soph moved to the middle of nowhere two years ago, and it was the first time I'd been to see her in rural situ. The lads barbequed her homegrown courgettes and we downed a couple of bottles of rose.

She sent me down to the co-op to aquire a third and I returned with more wine, a copy of OK magazine and a packet of ten Marlboro Lights.

Only had three of them though - pretty damn impressive.

Relapse 3: the final evening - the sunset was another stunner. Seeing as I'd spent every day tidying up and picking up towels, and most nights watching Big Brother, I sat on the bench and smoked one cigarette, I had no desire for another. It was good.

Relapse 4: We got back to the big smoke after four hours of car, train, tube, train and walk. So I stopped in the corner shop to pick up milk, bananas, a bottle of their least cheap rose and a packet of ten. There's a pattern emerging here, isn't there?

I woke up to this news on the radio this morning: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/5230006.stm

MPs want drugs to be listed according to danger to health, put tobacco way below alcohol on the scary scale. It's because fags had become so unfashionable that I stayed with the smokers. Now they'll bang on about boozers too.